going through a gender crisis, label suggestions / discussion / anyone feel the same??

icosa0550 2/23/2024 04:34 pm 579

so i've known i wasn't a girl (im afab) since i was literally old enough to perceive the difference between girls and boys. like it's just been a forever thing and i never thought much about it until i wanted to start changing my appearance and i learned about being trans and yeah.

i use he/him and i'm okay with they/them if i'm presenting feminine. i present as male most of the time, like redneck construction worker male. like half my closet is wrangler jeans, solid color tees, and boots. but the other half of the time i'm either giving masc lesbian (i'm not a lesbian, i've been frequently asked if i am though lmao), or hyper feminine baggy sweater boho girl or goth chick depending on the vibe that day. like theres a very large flux in how i present and it's all based on the day. like some days i wake up and you couldn't waterboard me into presenting fem. i've never had an issue with this, i just go with the vibe and it's fine. the dressing hyper feminine is a fairly recent development and i've been getting lots of questions about it. like "i thought you were a boy" or "why do you use he/him if you dress like a girl" and like what do i tell people??? i sometimes say im gender non-conforming or label non-conforming but that doesn't go over well irl.

i've read about all the labels and what they mean and like none of them quite land with me. like demiboy, demiflux, libraflux, maleflux, nonbinary, agender, and genderqueer all sound close but its not quite it. genderqueer feels the closest but like what if i dont have a gender but maybe sometimes its there a little?? and sometimes its masc but im not just male?? but dressing feminine doesn't make me less male?? like in the way that drag queens are still guys yknow

like it's so inconsistent even the labels meant to describe changing genders don' t catch all of it lmao. i cant be the only person that feels like this right?? like idk i feel crazy does anyone know what i'm talking about??

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Agarest
Member

Feb 23, 2024 6:47 pm

I can’t speak for you, and I don’t know all of the micro labels, but you could be genderfluid. Genderfluid does not mean you fluctuate through any specific gender, it simply means you fluctuate genders.

On the other hand it doesn’t sound to me like your gender changes as much as just your presentation? Presentation ≠ gender as we all know, so if that’s the case, I’d say you’re correct when you say you’re gnc (gender nonconforming). I personally am a man who prefers he/him, but usually lets most people say whatever. I also often prefer to present as some form of masc, but I was a real girly girl as far as wearing frills and dresses went before I realized I was trans, and my like for skirts and frilly things didn’t just go away because I “was a man now”. It’s simply part of my personality and clothing preference.

Remember you are the only one who knows you. It’s not anyone else’s place to criticize how you dress based on your gender. If a cis man can wear a dress and still be a man as long as he says so, so can a trans man. Don’t let other’s opinions bring you away from living the life you want to live

xXNo_One_Cares_BearXx
Member

Feb 23, 2024 7:07 pm

maybe bi-gender?

i dress hyper fem 2!

i use he/they/she pronouns most of the time but im still trying 2 figure my stuff out

but ive said im Agender but we never know!

only time will tell<3

fellsanz
Member

Feb 23, 2024 8:34 pm

I actually dress the same way and I identify as bigender and genderfluid. Bigender for me is girl and boy at the same time, but it can be any two genders. Most of the time I'm like 75% boy, but sometimes that changes, so I use the genderfluid label as well.

You can also just say gender-non conforming, nonbinary, queer, unlabeled... it takes time to figure out!! don't rush yourself, it's a journey

icosa0550
Member

Feb 23, 2024 10:01 pm

@fellsanz: ive never heard of bigender but im gonna have to read about it! i've always fluctuated but i never just feel male, like it's always been male + something else. thanks for telling me, its really helpful

icosa0550
Member

Feb 23, 2024 10:07 pm

@xXNo_One_Cares_BearXx: now that i've read about it i'm thinking bigender! also maybe still some kind of flux too but i feel a lot less confused about all the options now, all of the labels tend to overwhelm me a little when i read about it. im still figuring my pronouns out as well ^-^

icosa0550
Member

Feb 23, 2024 10:30 pm

@Agarest: there is some kind of flux in my gender but definitely not to the amount that my presentation does, i never feel like a girl or less of a guy even when i'm presenting as feminine. i dont have anyone to talk to about it irl so i've been on the struggle bus about it recently. thank you for the nice words, it means a lot

fellsanz
Member

Feb 24, 2024 6:11 pm

@icosa0550: ofc!! and bigender can be any two genders! there's also trigender as well if you feel like it's three :3

Junip3rrFrumJupit3rr
Member

Feb 25, 2024 7:29 am

Dude. Same thing here. I cant rly find a label that fitz me, and my gender and gndr representation are VERY different. dnt feel alone in this bc there r millions of ppl including me r feeling the same thing. As 4 OTHR ppl questioning YOUR identity, screw it they can all leave. NO1 can decide ur identity xcept 4 u, so jst dont listen 2them. Im so sry u hav2go thu thiz stuf, but it happens 2 a lot of ppl. jst b urself and dont give a duck

and as 4 lgbtqiap+ irl, it suckz :p I feel like no1 accepts our community in the real world, or they r those "three genders (fem, masc, enby), lgbt" ppl that only support like, 4 lgbtqiap+ identities.

idrc how2help bcuz I need the same help, but just hold on. btr things r coming

(I dress hyper fem smtimes 2, genderfluid, male and agender? she/him/his, questioning)

Stay strong, even if the gender crisis lasts long. /silly

bear
Member

Feb 25, 2024 1:21 pm

i was STUCK forever .. literally had every different combination of pronouns and everything .. landed myself on bigender because it fit because i tended to sway left and right all the time, and bigender just seemed like a little box i swish around in if that makes sense for a while though, i avoided a gender label, and that helped me really find which one i was because i didn't feel constrained in my next decision

I think gender is a difficult thing to find sometimes, but i hope that you can find comfort in an identity, no matter what it is

ps love seeing fellow bigenders in comments i never see u guys

wyoming
Member

Feb 25, 2024 1:45 pm

Hello, I saw ur post and thought I'd come on here since I felt smth similar.

I haven't found a label for myself other than "xenogender" which I'm very happy with bc it feels like me ^^

What you're describing might be some sort of genderfluid/bigender identity or a "genderfuck/genderfucked" gender. If you think you might be xenogender: does your gender feel like it can only be described by/as a metaphor, concept, object, noun, etc. ? For me my main xenos are Starwashic, Nightgender, Stargender, and Abandoe bc my gender feels connected to night/stars and eery things. Also: gender expression/pronouns don't equal gender ! I use fae/faer, star/stars as well as a long list of other neopronouns bc they feel like me, but also using she/her doesn't mean I identify as a girl. I prefer neos, but mostly use them online/with friends and everyone else just calls me she/her.

going through a gender crisis, label suggestions / discussion / anyone feel the same??

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