going through a gender crisis, label suggestions / discussion / anyone feel the same??

icosa0550 2/23/2024 04:34 pm 549

so i've known i wasn't a girl (im afab) since i was literally old enough to perceive the difference between girls and boys. like it's just been a forever thing and i never thought much about it until i wanted to start changing my appearance and i learned about being trans and yeah.

i use he/him and i'm okay with they/them if i'm presenting feminine. i present as male most of the time, like redneck construction worker male. like half my closet is wrangler jeans, solid color tees, and boots. but the other half of the time i'm either giving masc lesbian (i'm not a lesbian, i've been frequently asked if i am though lmao), or hyper feminine baggy sweater boho girl or goth chick depending on the vibe that day. like theres a very large flux in how i present and it's all based on the day. like some days i wake up and you couldn't waterboard me into presenting fem. i've never had an issue with this, i just go with the vibe and it's fine. the dressing hyper feminine is a fairly recent development and i've been getting lots of questions about it. like "i thought you were a boy" or "why do you use he/him if you dress like a girl" and like what do i tell people??? i sometimes say im gender non-conforming or label non-conforming but that doesn't go over well irl.

i've read about all the labels and what they mean and like none of them quite land with me. like demiboy, demiflux, libraflux, maleflux, nonbinary, agender, and genderqueer all sound close but its not quite it. genderqueer feels the closest but like what if i dont have a gender but maybe sometimes its there a little?? and sometimes its masc but im not just male?? but dressing feminine doesn't make me less male?? like in the way that drag queens are still guys yknow

like it's so inconsistent even the labels meant to describe changing genders don' t catch all of it lmao. i cant be the only person that feels like this right?? like idk i feel crazy does anyone know what i'm talking about??

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Aggressive_Daikons
Member

Feb 26, 2024 8:44 pm

if you want a specific label, maybe melleflux (safe wiki link) is what you’re describing? The reason I know is because I have the opposite problem. identifying as female, but masculine presenting (femil). This might not actually be it, but hey, if it helps. I know having a hyperspecific label can be comforting sometimes.

Edit: saw the latest comment, but leaving this up just incase, for anyone else looking for labels. Congratulations though for finding a label that fits!!

icosa0550
Member

Feb 26, 2024 8:39 pm

fr thanks to everyone who commented, it seriously helped me out! i did some reading about the labels everyone mentioned, and i discovered bigenderfluid which i feel sums it up perfectly so thats what i'm going with! i never realized how many labels there were, its crazy to me how well documented really obscure / new labels are on the gender wiki. reading through all of them (especially the xenogenders) was really neat, yall should totally do that if you haven't already

belleoftheballnchainz
Member

Feb 26, 2024 7:26 am

ik how you feel. it sucks fr :[ i wish i could give you advice but idk either

xenogender_bunny_kid
Member

Feb 25, 2024 7:24 pm

At the end of, like, 2020, I was questioning my gender SO hard it was destroying my mental health, so I understand the struggle. Something that I'm glad I realized/learned is that any gender is just as valid as the next because they're all made up. Being candygender or cutegender is just as valid as being a guy, since all genders are made up. The concept of gender is just a social construct, and some people view it differently than others. Your relationship with gender doesn't have to "make sense" to anyone else. Remember that there are people who will accept you, and try not to focus on the people who might not.

From what I can tell, you could be agenderflux. Or you could just be a guy, since presentation and gender are two different things (just because you're a trans guy doesn't mean you're not a real guy, and real guys can present as femininely as they want). I recommend xenogenders bcuz they changed my life. But I can't tell you what you are because that's up to you. If you are really looking for a label and that's what's stressing you out (that happened to me), I recommend taking the enneagram test to see if you're a type 4, because that's what I am and taking that test really helped me with things.

c00d
Member

Feb 25, 2024 6:26 pm

tbh im just unlabeled for the most part at this point but i do get the not entirely male feeling

its like. for me 75% m 25% f (if that) but theyre permanently mixed together. think slime or liquid. im sort of a boy whos kind of a girl

Whovian
Member

Feb 25, 2024 2:21 pm

Dude I dress how ever the HECK I want people shouldn't get an input on what I wear especially if it's negative.Wear what makes you feel like you. And for the whole labels thing you can literally just pick one that resonates with you and if you find out later on that this isn't who you are then hey no one gets to tell you no. I have literally changed like 4 different times in the span of 3 years. I don't know how this is gonna sound but it's kinda like trying on clothes you might think this looks okay from one angle then you turn and see that it doesn't look right so you try a different one on.( Please don't flame me I'm just trying to help) But like literally do what you want and dress how you want no one can stop you from that.

wyoming
Member

Feb 25, 2024 1:45 pm

Hello, I saw ur post and thought I'd come on here since I felt smth similar.

I haven't found a label for myself other than "xenogender" which I'm very happy with bc it feels like me ^^

What you're describing might be some sort of genderfluid/bigender identity or a "genderfuck/genderfucked" gender. If you think you might be xenogender: does your gender feel like it can only be described by/as a metaphor, concept, object, noun, etc. ? For me my main xenos are Starwashic, Nightgender, Stargender, and Abandoe bc my gender feels connected to night/stars and eery things. Also: gender expression/pronouns don't equal gender ! I use fae/faer, star/stars as well as a long list of other neopronouns bc they feel like me, but also using she/her doesn't mean I identify as a girl. I prefer neos, but mostly use them online/with friends and everyone else just calls me she/her.

bear
Member

Feb 25, 2024 1:21 pm

i was STUCK forever .. literally had every different combination of pronouns and everything .. landed myself on bigender because it fit because i tended to sway left and right all the time, and bigender just seemed like a little box i swish around in if that makes sense for a while though, i avoided a gender label, and that helped me really find which one i was because i didn't feel constrained in my next decision

I think gender is a difficult thing to find sometimes, but i hope that you can find comfort in an identity, no matter what it is

ps love seeing fellow bigenders in comments i never see u guys

Junip3rrFrumJupit3rr
Member

Feb 25, 2024 7:29 am

Dude. Same thing here. I cant rly find a label that fitz me, and my gender and gndr representation are VERY different. dnt feel alone in this bc there r millions of ppl including me r feeling the same thing. As 4 OTHR ppl questioning YOUR identity, screw it they can all leave. NO1 can decide ur identity xcept 4 u, so jst dont listen 2them. Im so sry u hav2go thu thiz stuf, but it happens 2 a lot of ppl. jst b urself and dont give a duck

and as 4 lgbtqiap+ irl, it suckz :p I feel like no1 accepts our community in the real world, or they r those "three genders (fem, masc, enby), lgbt" ppl that only support like, 4 lgbtqiap+ identities.

idrc how2help bcuz I need the same help, but just hold on. btr things r coming