37 Replies

@InkclawXwX: I get the my dad doesn't want you part my parents didn't care about me they didn't even feed me properly as a baby... and then they chose booze over there daughter...

@Cinnamorolling_InMyGrave_: Oh Me GAWD that sounds horrible I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that.

I went to a mental h0spital over a year ago and (luckily) the (metaphorical) wounds are starting to heal so that’s a good thing. But just like no matter what I do it’s not right. If I am loud around people, no, if I’m quiet around people, no. If I participate, no. If I don’t participate, no. Also, this has been going on like my whole life but like 3 times a week my dad will get mad at me for freaking nothing and then apologize. I. Don’t. Care. If you feel bad, don’t fncking do it. Also he like gets kinda aggressive (very occasionally and it’s to inanimate objects) because “hes anxious”. I know everyone experiences anxiety differently but there was a time where I literally couldn’t leave the house AT ALL because I was afraid of something I definitely can not say on here. But I didn’t fncking throw things. He’s a grown ass man so he needs to act like it instead of a nine year old with anger issues. Ik that you shouldn’t compare people’s experiences with mental illnesses but Jesus, 100% my anxiety is way worse than his. Last time I checked, he doesn’t get scared he’s going to d!3 just from getting in the car, he doesn’t have to do things the exact same way every time because he thinks something bad is going to happen, he doesn’t have a continuous crippling fear that every single person he’s ever met hates him. Also, we take (or did take) the same anxiety medication BUT mine is more than 2x the dose of his AND when he took the same dose as me, he got so tired he couldn’t even function but I take like 8 of them a day (don’t worry i can do that) and I could still easily have an anxiety attack. I take 2 of those and then 2 melatonin’s and still have to fight to go to sleep, they are not even compareable

@Sparkly_cheeseburgers86: your doing great so far! Keep up the good work homie

It sucks to know that my """dad""" will never love me and never even wanted me
I gotta act hateful and mad never let met guard down. If I do, he will try to get close and hurt me again
I cant be sad, I have to keep up an appearance that says "fuck off or else", but damn it sucks ;-;

Oh well, time to put its gonna be a long day on loop
I recommend that song, its by johnny goth... its a good listen, but its kinda sad