bit of a rant (tw for a lot of things n heavy topics,,))

gloomy_meow 12/21/2021 08:59 am 410

uhhhh so i haven't been feeling great at all recently. i'll get very short bursts of happiness but mostly i just hate myself and wanna d!3 all the time. my sister got grounded for some bad grades and then tried to run away. she's dating the same boy that convinced her to try to k!ll herself about 2 years ago and doesn't see a problem??

she has a phone our parents don't know abt to text said boy and i've tried convincing her to stop but she won't and i know it won't end well at all and it's giving me constant panic attacks and i just don't know what to do bc i don't wanna tell our parents bc she's threatened to run away again if i do and she constantly treats me like absolute garbage and i'm tired of it because i've done nothing to her??

i'm also out to her as trans (ftm) and ask her to use my correct name and pronouns, but every time i correct her she yells at me and tells me its harder for her than it is me and that i need to stop correcting her. her excuse is that she's used my deadname and the wrong pronouns for 15 years now and it's hard to change them (my other sister, who has moved out and has a girlfriend and child makes an effort to use the correct name and pronouns)

and also my mom constantly makes me feel like the worst person alive anytime i ask something. my partner and i were going to have a sleepover today but something came up and my partner asked to move it to tomorrow and my mom flipped out and told me i'm selfish and ungrateful and do nothing to help her with stress, as if i were her therapist. my dad told her that it wasn't a big deal and that he could handle transport (which he was already gonna do) and she just flipped out even more.

i'm just tired because the majority of people i'm around make me feel like shit constantly and i don't know what to do and i know its stupid posting about all my problems to a forum meant for kandi but i have no other options and i just want to scream.