I need advice ;-;

BunnyBoyDeku 8/9/2022 10:28 am 498

So uh I'm starting 9th grade at the end of the month and I'm like really nervous- I've been doing virtual school for the past two years and I'm going back in-person so that's making me even more nervous, how is it gonna be?? Can I wear headphones/earbuds in class? Are the classes easy? I really haven't paid much attention to anything over the last two years so uh (I just barely passed this year ) And what kind of stuff will I need? Also, what do I do if someone misgenders me and/or uses my deadname? I'm gonna try to say something at the open house/orientation if my parents aren't there, but I still feel like it'll happen a lot

Sorry I'm just nervous and idk I have a lot of questions about like everything-

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BunnyBoyDeku
Member

Aug 10, 2022 10:15 am

Ty guys so much, I wasnt expecting to get this many replies and you all helped so much already

Although with the name and pronouns thing, I think I'd have to just ask my teachers (and classmates obv) to call me that and, as jamboscrimblo said, I may have to mention something about them not calling me my pref name in front of my parents (my dad was upset when I said in virtual that my pref name was Kai, I'm too scared to say anything for in-person)

Anyway, tysm!!

curehisheart
Member

Aug 10, 2022 5:35 am

hi! so i have not yet gone through high school, but i did go from online to in-person schooling last year, so my experience with that may help!!

the teachers will usually allow you to use earbuds if it gets too loud, or to listen to music whilst you do your work, but every teacher is different, and i would ask them before you do so (i usually ask questions like that on the 'getting to know you' papers.).

if somebody misgenders or deadnames you, you can always tell them politely, "i don't go by [pronouns/name they referred to you as], i go by [pronouns/name you go by], and would appreciate if you referred to me using that.", and most of the time theyll be kind and respectful about it. if the person responds in acts of transphobia or homophobia, tell an adult you trust, or report it to the school. if it is a teacher, once again, put your name and pronouns on the 'getting to know you' papers, usually they will call you what you want to be called, but if not, once again, tell the school.

relating to the last paragraph, most middle schools and high schools have gsa (gay straight alliance) clubs, and if you are scared to come out to people, you can always join the club (if your parents/guardians knowingly support lgbtq+, and will allow you to join), or talk to the teachers/staff who run the gsa club about things like that, or people who are in the club.

good luck in high school, it'll be great! :]

Stevie_Burton
Member

Aug 10, 2022 1:45 am

boosting 4 anyone else who has advice 4 op !!

Stevie_Burton
Member

Aug 10, 2022 12:48 am

--- freshman classes are definitely more than likely gonna be fairly easy -- but make sure to still pay attention !! they might slip in some sneaky stuff, especially during math class. homework will be significantly lighter than junior and senior year, and it won't be anywhere near as stressful !! you're a fresh fish (as i liked to call freshmen in my senior year), so teachers will probably go easier on you for a bit, especially if your high school is a brand new building.

--- teachers are probably not gonna be too okay with you wearing earbuds / headphones in class, or at least during instruction. if you have a 504 plan or possibly an IEP plan of some sort and you can't function in a classroom without headphones, i highly suggest making sure that it states that you're allowed to listen to music if needed. i have this in mine and i've had it for years, and it's extremely helpful !!

--- you might get into an algebra class (more than likely beginner's algebra), so make sure to pay very close attention !! algebra is extremely tricky -- it's literally the english and the greek alphabet (usually not until intermediate or advanced algebra, luckily) in equations !!

--- see if you can change your name on the school roster / the school attendance, along with your gender identity and possibly even your pronouns. this will not change your name legally, but it's extremely helpful if you're under the trans umbrella because your deadname / legal name is still on file (because it's still legally your name, of course), but your new name, your gender identity (ie male, nonbinary, etc) and possibly even your pronouns will be shown instead !!

--- remember to have fun and be yourself , and fuck whatever other people think of you !! being weird / strange is the best, it means you're not like everybody else !! also make sure to make as many memories as you possibly can. hang out with friends as much as you possibly can, go to the mall, go to prom if you want to in junior and/or senior year, take selfies with people, take part in senior pranks (if you have those at your school when you're a senior), go to school fairs and parties if you can !! high school will go by quicker than you would ever believe. graduation day is going to creep up on you before you know it.

-- from your friendly neighborhood high school graduate

jamboscrimblo
Member

Aug 9, 2022 10:55 pm

(part 2)

If someone misgenders/deadnames you, I’d say you should react differently depending on who it is. Some people may genuinely just not know your gender or know that you go by a different name than your deadname, so in those cases you can politely correct them. However, if you know someone is transphobic and is purposefully misgendering/deadnaming you, I would say try your best to ignore them. I know how much it hurts, but typically they won’t bother to correct themselves and will try to make you even more upset. If you are being harassed, tell a staff member. I can’t say if they will or won’t do anything about it, but it’s worth a shot. Let your teachers know your preferred name before class, so they can call you that instead of your deadname. Some might also be willing to leave notes to a substitute about your preferred name, & I’d recommend asking if they can. If you don’t want your parents to know about your preferred name, tell them that as well so they won’t call you that in front of your parents.

Some other general advice I have is to try joining clubs or going to school events! Clubs are a great way to meet new people, and school events can be fun to go to with a friend. Don’t be afraid to talk to upperclassmen, now that I’m going to be a senior that’s one of the things I regret not doing. It can be really helpful to have older friends that know the school and how things work, and you also will have so many more options of people to be friends with. People make jokes about freshmen being annoying or mean a lot, but if you are nice to others, they typically won’t group you in with those people. Try to get a map of the school if you can, even if you memorize where all your classes are. You will most likely have to visit rooms other than your actual classes, so it’s good to have a map showing where they are. Try to keep track of how long it usually takes to get to each class, that way you can avoid being late. If you won’t have enough time to go to your locker and get to one of your classes, you can grab that stuff earlier in the day. For example, if you have time to go to your locker before 4th period but not before 5th period, grab your stuff for both 4th & 5th period. Another thing about lockers, use them if you can instead of just carrying everything (especially if you have a lot of stuff!!) Your back will thank you later.

If you have any more questions about anything, feel free to let me know!

jamboscrimblo
Member

Aug 9, 2022 10:54 pm

Some other people have already answered but I’m going to give some advice/answers as well (this is going to be lengthy sorry bout that)

I’d reccomend asking your teachers if you are allowed to wear headphones during class, and at what times. Some might be okay with it during independent work, and others may not be okay with it at all. If you have a substitute in a class that would usually allow headphones, make sure you ask the substitute if you can use them since they may not like it. They should be okay during passing period/lunch, but it doesn’t hurt to check for those as well if you’re unsure. Also, make sure your music isn’t so loud that other people can hear it lol.

I think classes being hard or easy is really subjective. I’d recommend just trying your best to keep up on all your work, and don’t be afraid to ask questions if you need to. Teachers are supposed to be there to help you learn, if they get frustrated at you for “asking too many questions” or whatever that is completely on them and not you. If you notice yourself falling behind on work or have a lot of assignments due for multiple classes, prioritize assignments worth the most points and/or assignments for classes you have the lowest grade in. It’s also good to ask your teacher’s at the beginning of the year what their policy is on late assignments, since some might allow you to turn them in for partial credit.

On the first day I’d recommend bringing a folder, notebook, and a pen and/or pencil. You probably won’t be doing much on the first day, but you might get some papers to take home or have to write stuff down. Your teachers should tell you what you will need for their class in the future. You can bring a folder & notebook for every class if you want, but it’s likely you won’t need that many. Some other things I like to keep in my bag are hand sanitizer, pads, a water bottle, mint/small candies, & stim toys. Some teachers don’t like it when students have water out or candy/mint in their mouths, so if you want to do either of those check to make sure it’s allowed to save you from that conversation in the future. Generally, discreet and quiet stim toys aren’t even noticed by teachers, but I’d also recommend asking about those since some strict teachers might try to take them away. You might be able to talk to your school counselor about getting accommodations to allow you to have them in class even if they wouldn’t normally be allowed.

R3LAXR0NAN
Member

Aug 9, 2022 8:19 pm

i don’t know about wearing headphones in class, i know at my school it’s against the rules for most people, but you can reach out to the school if it’s something you need and you can get special permission to use them

as for getting deadnamed and misgendered, if you have the right name on the role it shouldn’t be too bad, but if there are assholes in your classes which know your deadname, you have to try and tell them your actual name and get them to stop. if that doesn’t work, getting the school to intervene is probably the best option (i had two kids who would constantly misgender and deadname me and i had the school contact their parents and got a safety plan that forces them to stay away from me in class and they’ve basically never said anything to me again)

basically if you need help, reach out and get the school to give you supports. if you can’t access that, just focus on getting a good network of people to support you (if your school has any sort of gsa or inclusion groups, join them, and if they don’t, try and join trans groups outside of school, there’s loads online and if you live in a big city there’s probably at least one irl one) and make sure you have at least a few people to talk to about your problems and to just try and have coping mechanisms that work and help lessen stress

school is fucking scary, but if you reach out to the school and your community then you’ll be good :]

Quartz
Member

Aug 9, 2022 6:39 pm

Some teachers may be more laid back about it, but the school itself most likely has policy against headphones in class.

Classes being easy or not is pretty subjective, none of us can really weigh in on that unfortunately.

Most likely, teachers may tell you if you need anything specifically for their class, but some things you'd be wise to have in general are: obvious stuff like notebooks and pens/pencils and a pencil case to hold them in, a ruler, a calculator [your math classes may require a specific kind, or you may be able to borrow one from them], folders and/or a binder if that's more your style, and so on.

Do you plan on being out at school? If you are, you would correct them in a polite but direct manner. Your deadname is most likely in ATS and will be read during attendance unless you say something about it. You can approach your teachers before class starts to tell them about your chosen name, and/or ask your guidance counselor if you can be given a preferred name in the system.

K4ND1B4R
Member

Aug 9, 2022 3:39 pm

every schools different, and i didn't go to school in person in my 9th grade (i came back 10th grade) but my teachers had felt a bit disrespected when you had headphones in, since they think you aren't paying attention. some teachers are lenient and don't care much besides when there are tests out, but you'll just have to get to know your teachers

my school doesn't really give out lists, we just got to get information from our teachers on what we will need for the year soo same may go for you. i'd definitely recommend folders and notebooks, they'll probably expect those from you

if people misgender or deadname you, politely correct them and if they still do it on purpose i'd say just ignore them or keep your distance. they're not going to listen to you if they're ignorant. you may even want to have your teacher keep them across the class if they're that troublesome