what does it mean to "feel" like a guy or "feel" like a girl?

tea 10/29/2021 06:01 pm 1181

ever since i first questioned my gender, and came to the conclusion of nonbinary (or potentially agender) i wondered just what it meant when someone "felt" like a girl or a guy.

for me i kind of... just feel like a human?

some days im like "oh i look like a cute anime girl/alt girl!" others im like "i look like a soft anime boy" but i dont think that is what people mean. i dont think that means i feel like a girl or a guy. i think thats just me thinking a look more like an anime girl or anime guy sometimes depending on outfit/makeup and stuff.

so what does it feel like to feel... well like a guy or girl?

i look at myself i kind of just... see me? not really a gender.. more a person?

i still often look in the mirror and try "she/her + girl" and "he/him + male" and "they/them + person" to see what feels better. so far, except one time, they/them/person/human has always kind of felt chill? or just made me smile a bit and thats how i know it still fits me. he/him doesnt usually feel as bad as she/her but i still dont think he/him totally suits me? idk, they/them for now i suppose-

(also i hope answers dont give me a gender crisis, i have those too much istg)

but anyway, can anyone explain what it feels like?

-tea

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tea
Member

Oct 31, 2021 9:58 am

@doublezero: ohh yeah! i have been wondering if i count as agender or not

gender is weird! aw thank you! and thanks for answering ^^

-tea

rotten_meat
Guest

Oct 29, 2021 6:28 pm

hello I'm a huge gender nerd and I'm autistic so uh... Yeah strap on and enjoy the ride

Gender and gender roles that were pushed on us are a form of control. Another restriction to keep people criticizing themselves rather than the society around them. Gender identity for cis people is so unholy strict that once you fully conceptualize that it's kinda weird, you end up lost. Confused, like you. Or at the very least curious. You've shaken what's man" and "woman" being able to choose what's feminine to you and what's masculine is the key to freely identity the way you are, as just a person. So, what's a "man" and "woman" are 100% subjective, along with femininity and masculinity.

To me, gender is a performance. A deeply personal way of expression. "Man" to me is light, washed out colors, and blood red, melted ice cream, crushed wafers, and abstract shapes. "Woman" is saturation and greys, night sky's, broken glass, sand, and pine. Feeling like those things is just as expressive to me.

When I feel like a "man", I feel all encompassing, scattered and full. Cold cores and warm outsides. When I feel like a "woman" I feel like foam, stinging, and leaves.

Basically, feeling like a "man" or "woman" is based solely on the way you experience gender and what traits you assign to each. Everyone will have a different answer because gender is subjective, a concept to restrict. Those things will affect your own identity and the way you perceive yourself and might even have some keystones in other factors into your personality.

Idk if any of that made sense, but idk. I hope you like my essay

Edit: Also pronouns are not mutually exclusive to gender identity. You can be a "woman" and go by he/him. In my opinion the more we separate pronouns from gender and gender from sex, the more we realize that nothing in this world is actually one or the other (because it's impossible as evolution it's just a fucking rollette until we don't die anymore lol) and it'll free us into another plane of expression. Maybe it'll also help queer and trans people realize that trying to define this shit is also fucking impossible and will just stress you out more. Concepts don't have definitions and we shouldn't try to give them one to have others follow

doublezero
Member

Oct 29, 2021 6:17 pm

It's def hard to explain. I guess it's feeling comfortable being referred to as that gender compared to a different gender. Sounds like you could be agender, where you basically just don't feel like you have any gender at all. It's different from non-binary because non-binary basically just means non boy/non girl (not in the gender binary) as opposed to not having a gender at all. It's a long and hard process figuring it out but trust me, you will eventually. Hope everything works out for you!

what does it mean to "feel" like a guy or "feel" like a girl?

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