So I've ftm and my dysphoria is getting so horrible. The school yearbooks came out and it has my deadname in it and everyone keeps pointing it out to me> Even people I barely know. I've spent all of breaks and most of class in the bathroom crying (at least it's the boy's bathroom). I keep think about sh even though I've been clean for almost half a year. I really want to die. Also my period started like a week early and I have the world's worst cramps and it's so heavy and everything sucks. My mood swings are killing me. Everyone thinks I'm a girl. Even if I say I'm a boy and use the boys bathroom. I could probably carry a sign above my head that said I'm a boy in all caps and they still wouldn't believe me. There's this one kid who keeps deadnaming me and calling me a girl. Everyone calls me she always. My friends don't even care, and I can't talk to anyone anyways because my parents took my phone a while ago. They're really transphobic too. They think I'm lying about being trans and deadname me and call me she and a girl and stuff. Normally I'm pretty feminine in like my clothes and that's making me feel horrible even when I'm not wearing it just because I feel like I'm faking and I know that's the reason everyone thinks I'm a girl but I can bring myself to stop because it's such a big part of me. Everyone thinks I'm a girl because of my voice too and I talk a lot. Everyone also calls me annoying and tell me to shut up a lot. I started an LGBTQ+ club at my school and it used to be great, but now the teacher always tells me to shut up even when I'm just trying to correct her on people's pronouns who don't usually speak up for themselves. It's where all of my friends come from, but everyone is leaving and it sucks. I don't even want to go anymore. We're taking finals this week and I don't know if I can handle it in my mental state. And my parents will kill me (not literally) if my grades ever drop bellow a A-. Normally academics are super easy, so idk. I really wanna die. Someone help.
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