14 Replies

I have a lot of bullish in my life that made me dangerously depressed. I started cutting after I cut my wrist by accident. It just felt...good. I burned myself to. And then when I was really feeling like crap I'd smash my head against the wall and claw at my face. I cut myself so bad I cut my nails to nothing so I wouldn't cut my face again. Sometimes I would act violently towards my younger siblings.something I usually would NEVER do. I began becoming paranoid and started hearing/seeing things. I would rip out my hair one by one...The funny thing is? My mom and dad didn't care. They saw me and yet they never took notice in my bleeding face or my black eye or the bruises on my arms except when I would do something to my younger siblings.Other than that I was invisible. I was alone. My Best Friend helped my control my anger and told me I needed something to keep my mind off of things. So I got into kandi, something I'd always wanted to do.I was hooked. I finally found something

I'm not comfortable with getting to into this (im trying to be more open about it), but I found out I had bipolar disorder like, ten years ago. I started making kandi not because of those things, but it does help keep my mind off of things. But I don't choose to rave because I'll have a panic attack from being near so many people. So when I get shit for not raving but making kandi, it kinda gets to me, lol but I don't care. My sanity/health comes waaay before people looking down on me. My school counsler actually called me into his office one day last year because someone thought it'd be funny to tell him that I use my bracelets to cover all the times I've self harmed/tried killing myself hahahaha, ok that's not really funny but it was awkward. Yeah, I thought this comment would be short.. But you or anyone else here can message me if they need to talk about things like this.

Thanks. You to

i have PTSD from extreme bullying that happened about 6 years ago. i moved to a small town and went to school thinking i would make tons of friends. there were 48 kids in my 7th grade, including me, so there were roughly 350 kids in the Jr/Sr High School (grades 7-12). it started out with everyone ignoring me, then it went to calling me names like Fat Cow, Ogre.. and A LOT more. from there, it went to getting locked in my locker to hitting/tripping/kicking me in the hallways. the principal, and super intendant, told me to go to the cops. but the cops couldn't do anything about it since it was happening on school grounds. i was tired of being called Fat Cow, getting hit/kicked/tripped so i started starving myself. my weight plummeted from about 150 to roughly 120. since starving myself didn't stop the bullying, i started cutting, and even attempted suicide too many times to count. this went on for 2 years until i moved back to Seattle. sorry for writing a book

"SycoSquirl": I have been a self mutilator since I was in 1st grade. It took me till my Junior year of high school to seek help, I was clean for over a year and then me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up from him cheating on me and I vary shortly relasped but am better now. If its really dangerous to your health, then i would suggest talking to your parents (its really hard but its for the best) and ask to seek help, I was put on anti-anxiety meds and depression meds for a year and then i was better and stopped taking them (i stopped before my doctor told me to which was bad so dont do that if you are put on meds) and continue making kandi, it helped me a small but, but I found that me wearing kandi all the time up my arms was just a way to hide my cuts and scars so I stopped wearing them. i was put on meds, but after aout 6 months, i noticed they werent working so i stopped, and my parents know, and they dont even care....i was just hoping kandi hasnt been a savior for just me...