12 Replies

[EDIT: !TW ABLEISM ANDHARASSMENT/BULLYING!]

advice??
thank you for posting this <3

i get sensory overloads a LOT, especially triggered by sound, which makes band really hard for me but I'm (not to brag) the best of the clarinets and i LOVE playing, its a special interest of mine but it just gets so bad sometimes. and i feel so bad having to step out because i leave the rest of my section AND miss time i could be practicing, but i cant help it. whenever i get sensory overloads (not just band, any situation, and not always by sound) people spread that im a "crybaby" and im "scared of everything" and "too sensitive" and stare at me (although ive gotten used to it i still hate it, people have said that all my life so it doesnt bother me too much now tho). and the people who dont make fun of me spread that its panic attacks and say "just breath" and try to stop me from stimming or try to restrain/hold me still. I keep trying to tell everyone to stop and that its not panic attacks (although i do get those, its mostly internal for me so they dont really see it most the time) but its sensory overloads (which are normally really bad/visible for me) and that touching/hugging me makes it worse but they dont listen and even teachers/counselors/ect say its panic attacks too or say im faking for attention (when in reality attention is the last thing i want and i just want to be normal) but its not and im tired of the misinformation thats been spread all my life. im told all the time peoople know me better then ik myself, but they really dont know me at all.(im in high school btw) any advice??? (anyone can reply, just be respectful with suggestions and know they may or may not help, but im willing to try)
im scared to wear ear defenders bc i have in the past (middle/elementry) and people would take them off of me or other forms of harassment (along with other reasons but thats what bothered me the most) or ask to try them on, or get mad at me for "faking being mute" when thats not whats happening
and again tysm, i really needed to say that to someone <3
(he/they/it please)

@purpleghost219: I’m really sorry that’s happening I have issues with the sounds of my dogs eating and sniffing (?) and people often interpret it as me hating them, I have issues with social situations and loud rooms and I have a few things that personally help me!! I usually have my own spot where I can hide if it’s too much but if you can’t do that i have this one rainbow cuff that calms me down for some reason, like folding it to keep me distracted and I observe the color patterns and stuff to keep my mind off of what’s going on around me!! Sorry if this didn’t help but you’re free to vent or ask for advice whenever u want, I’ll try my best to help I hope things go well and I’m glad you could vent here !!

@Kazkinnie: thank you
i have a LOZ rotator that helps me sometimes

i think imma convert my closet into a little safe space
well see how it goes..

oop here we go yall

TW for lgbtphobia and s*icidal thoughts, also i sound kinda crazy here apologies—

i’m constantly worried about the future and what my conservative family will think of me if i ever tell them my sexuality/gender identity bc i know they don’t like the lgbt tingz and it makes me rly paranoid that they’ll find out before i’m in a safe space to tell them and it makes me wanna game over myself sometimes bc i love my parents so much and i don’t want them to hate me or disown me bc of who i am and it’s a constant fear i’ll live with probably forever bc i’m a pussy and i’ll probably never actually tell them n i wanna die thinking about it hahahaha!!!!!! the only thing keeping me from hurting myself is the fact that they’ll find out and go through all my shit again and make it even WORSE!!!!!!!

tw: s/h, god complex (???), suicide.

i want to slit my wrists till all the walls are covered in blood. it's not like i dont wanna die, but i want to be on the brim of death forever. I want to be on the brim of dying 24/7. I want to be immortal. I want to use all my lives/my forgiveness from whatever god is up in the sky, so they make me immortal. I want to be fake, I want to be god. I want to feel the despair of being on the brim of death 24/7 or I want to rule the world. I want to rule the world and have everyone at my feet.