the funniest crap me and my friends have said

River69 3/14/2024 10:08 pm 278

tell me which one is your favorite

tw violent and sexual

"please dont fuck the ghost..."

"eat my lucky charms and i will fucking murder you"

"WE ARE TRANSFORMERSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

"i am the gender bender, master of all genders!!!"

"billy bob joe, he's a unicorn who lives in the vents. he shits on peoples heads"

"TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH" *throws a fun size skittle pack at my face*

"oh my god! pookie wookie! your here!"

"DONT TRUST THE PIGEONS! THEYRE FUCKING SPYING ON US!" (guys i promise were joking about the conspiracy theory ones were just making fun of them)

"dont get your head blown off!" *proceeds to pretend to shoot someone's head off* "oh dear! now that is unfortunate!"

"chad, hes one of my dnd characters, hes a frat boy wizard who failed wizarding school"

"guys! we. need. more. TRANSFORMERSSSS!"

"the earth isnt flat guys! its a cube!"

"no, no, no, your michelangelo, im leonardo"

"eats your depression"

"i'm gonna eat your toes like little sausages"

"i am the vent goblin! there is not much room in the vents so we crawl!" (this one is my personal favorite)

"sugar mommy can you buy me icebreaker?"

*growls*

*hisses*

"oh. my god, guys, did you know im actually batman?!?!"

"lock your doors.... too late.... I'm in your walls now..."

"commits a violent crime"

*meows*

*moans*

friend1: "i swear to god if you dont shut up i will fuck you in the ass" friend2: "dont threaten me with a good time"

"guys who wants pot brownies?" the rest of the group in perfect sync: "me!"

"you fucking banana"

"i am literally the hottest twink you will ever meet"

"i hope you trip while your walking and the straw of your stupid stanley cup stabs you in the eye"

"im gonna take your ears and make them into a yummy stew"

*has a 2 hour convo about our perfect zombie apocalypse survival plan, complete with coffee, notebooks, and cool ranch doritos*

"im not a twink, im a twinkie"

"yall i have skibidi ohio rizz"

*points to a rat* "oh my god its you!"

*friend calls my gramma* "hi, uh, can i get one large hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple..."

*points at me* "most normal gay in ohio"

"i will commit an arson"