6 Replies

@urloverboy: omg ya we could talk! Rhank u those r good ideas <33

grrrr

pls dont reply i just

aaaaaaa this is what I needed rn

tw: abvse, SH, ed's, intrusive thoughts, dysphoria

so lol uhm I rlly want to get rid of this thing in my room because it reminds me of a lot of things in my past that I rlly don't like to think about and if I bring it to the house I'm moving into its just gonna remind me more so I don't wanna bring it and have to see it but I know my dad will b mad if I don't bring it because he thinks its some super important thing from my childhood and I cant tell him why because it involves him and if I bring up the fact that he is indeed abvsiue he tries to play the victim and says that well maybe I should just listen and that he feels bad doing it well sir how well do you really expect a 6 year old to listen (it goes back even further than that but back that far is all I really remember) and yk id be a lot more concerned if you didn't feel bad for beating the living shlt out of a child???? like I have old pictures, not many because he found them at one point and yk he doesn't want me to have evidence obviously, but sir if you didn't feel bad for that there's something else seriously wrong w you????? anyway it also induces a lot of dysphoria because it has my legal name on it and I really like to avoid it as much as possible but he doesn't understand that.

its very tempting to slicey slicey too because like its been like a month now I think and god do I miss it, it was the only way I could rlly let anything out and it didn't really hurt or anything because a. I have a v high pain tolerance, b. (tw kinda segsual?) im a masochist, and c. i did it for a few years so I was rlly used to it, so yk, it was a win-win for me because I also liked to look at it.

Also have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts again ) so fun. Like yes I love to go through the day constantly thinking about shoving my pen/pencil through my hand or making myself pass out or taking my shirt off in the middle of class just to see what would happen. sigh. honestly getting v tired of it but I don't wanna tell my therapist because she thinks imdoing better now and I don't wanna disappoint her by telling her any of this so lol kinda on my own

I literally even started looking up "s- h- quotes" again bc I forget what they're called and even tho most of them r so cheesy they like genuinely help me somehow

on the bright side tho my hands and hair smell like cactus blossom thanks to bath and body works so that's nice but im also very sensitive to smell so its kinda bothering me because ive been smelling it for like a half hour now

tw: food insecurity self harm homofobia suicide (u can respond if u want

i have always had a issue with overeating due to food insecurity in a old family i had and now i ton of stuff is going down in my new family like they found out i am pan and they wont call my by my name anymore. ive started binge eating about a year ago and now im eating about 4x the ammount im supposed to my parents have found out and they are locking me in my room but they say its "for me" we have been getting in physical fights and ive gotten way worse i go on a binge daily and am always sick ppl have been picking on me at school because ive been gaining a lot of weight and ive started skipping it and at this point i just wanna eat myself to death