anyone else ever felt like this? (vent)

The_Kandiman 9/27/2021 09:54 am 226

TW: $uicide by overdose, mention of dissociation, sh

im rly tired but also not im just kind of aloof and am losing my sense of time all of a sudden

im oddly calm with the idea of death right now. i want to go home and take a handful of pills and just watch what it does to me.

im at school and i rly want to go home, but i think thats just me being lazy. i need/want to just sit and let time pass for a while while my body folds up inside my mind

maybe this is a side effect of a dream i had last night. it was lucid and i tried to wake up. i remember trying to fold up my reality, and i saw the world around me turning into panels, and each panel going dark. it took a lot of mental power to fold the dream in that way

i woke up in my bed, but my dream characters were still there, i was still dreaming.

i dont feel particularly awful, but i really want to go home. does that just make me lazy? /gq

i have a lab write-up to do when i get home and i dont think that if i stay at school the whole day there will be enough time when i get home to recover from this mentality and from my day, do the write-up, shower, and go to bed

and if i wake up feeling this way again i dont know what ill do

i havent really felt this way since i woke up. i tried to dissociate before homeroom. ive never done that before, so maybe this is all an effect for that. i wouldnt know

i want to go home and then hurt myself to prove i deserve to be there

idont know what to do

help, please