my parents kinda suck-(vent?)(tw ableism/transphobia/homophobia)

pawbean 2/19/2021 08:16 am 1411

- my dad enjoys making fun of people who are mentally ill or disabled and idk what to do about it,, he has a student in his class (he's a ceramics teacher) that has sensory issues and he constantly makes fun of her and calls her his "weirdo student" for not being able to touch the clay w/out gloves,,

- my mom yells at me when i cry or have panic attacks because she's "not hurting me" and that i need to "stop making it up" , my dad usually just hovers over me when this happens or tells me to stop trembling/rocking back n forth,,

- both my parents say that i'm too young to be gay or trans and that its a decision. my dad refuses to call me they/them because he "doesn't even know how to use a they in a sentence" (even though?? he literally has before??) my mom says she's never calling me my preferred name because its "not my name", n my dad has said that he's worried i'll always be explaining myself (even though i enjoy talking abt my identity)

is there anything i can do?

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_nykto_
Member

Feb 23, 2021 4:22 pm

if u do run away, note that you shouldn't tell people you ran away. liek if you're staying with friends, don't tell them, as they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway. it's a crime in many us states

JarOfCentipedes
Member

Feb 23, 2021 11:40 am

Im not using my typing quirk for this bc whew, do I have alot to type. Get in contact with a teacher or fire department bc some teachers kinda help and firemen are more helpful than cps and police, once ur older(I would say 14,15,16 or if it gets too bad whenever) and its getting rlly bad, RUN AWAY. Contact friends and see if u can stay with em, if u know their parents would tell urs, try and stay with online friends that you TRUST like you know them rlly well. Ur parents might get better over time, but they sound like literal hell in a bottle. Please stay safe and talk to irl friends abt this incase you gotta stay with em. Try and talk to family therapists to see if u can do that, it might help ur parents in the process. Telling ur dads boss abt making fun of a student and treating you horribly might knock some sense into ur dad. Once again, be safe and dm me in u need to!!!

camisado
Member

Feb 23, 2021 9:45 am

@_nykto_: i know, i just didn't know what to say and that was the best i could come up with/g

Sperophim
Member

Feb 23, 2021 9:18 am

I agree with _nykto_, running away is not a good option, it's very dangerous especially if you're only 13 and have nowhere to go. Lots of shady people pray on kids who have run away and you could end up in an even worse situation.

If you want, maybe in a calm moment you can try to explain to your parents that neurodivergence, anxiety, etc. is a physical illness just like any other illness. Just like arthritis is a problem with joint functionality, neurodivergence is a difference/problem with the chemicals in a person's brain. You wouldn't tell someone with asthma "it's all in your lungs, stop complaining," you wouldn't tell an ND person "it's all in your head stop complaining."

(I know there's more nuance to neurodivergence and that being ND isn't a problem if accommodated, but I'd still recommend you explain it to them like this since that nuance might be hard for them to understand at first.)

As for the transphobia, hopefully they'll change over time, especially if you're persistent. I'm sorry, I know being young, trans, and not taken seriously is so hard. Just keep up hope that one day you will be able to get out and thrive without them. You've already made it this far and I'm proud of you.

_nykto_
Member

Feb 23, 2021 8:59 am

@makiroll: ehhhhhhh i dont think just running away is the best course of action just yet.

camisado
Member

Feb 23, 2021 8:47 am

murder is always a option!!!/hj

but srs, run away. f*ck them and just run away. if needed, i can give you my address. yes, im willing to give you my address if you rlly need someone to go too. while my parents are the best either, espically my mom, they all try <3

therealzspruce
Member

Feb 21, 2021 10:51 am

I'm bad at advice, but I'd say just try ignoring them cuz thats what I do with my parents. U are completly Valid tho <3

Itsabbiton
Member

Feb 19, 2021 2:45 pm

I think your parents just need to realize that you are your own person and you get to decide who you want to be, not who they want you to be. Maybe you should try to talk to them about it and if they won't even listen, maybe see if there is another place you could stay (like a friend or something.) Tell them that they are going to have to learn that this is who you are and if they can't except that, then they aren't going to have a very strong relationship with you. But I just wanted to put this, this is how I would deal with the situation, but maybe you would deal with it differently. Never feel bad for being you <3

ChokingVictimForever
Member

Feb 19, 2021 10:51 am

It depends on your age I really dont think that any one really knows there sexuality until there 13+ and coming out when your below 13 really has no meaning because no one will take you seriously. Being gay is not a choice if it were a choice I would much rather not be the way I am. So tell your dad to fuck off about it being a choice. Having feelings of wanting to change your sex is also not a choice. And you should probably discuss things like this with your dad so that way he can learn not to be such a biggot. Honestly it all depends on age. Like if you are 11 or 12 and saying that your "Gay" than I kind of understand the whole thing about you being young and making these claims at such a young age because sexuality is consantly changing especially through out preteen years. If you are sure that you are gay or trans than I wouldnt mention it unless it is absoloutly neccisary especially if you live in a homophobic home.

0ll13
Member

Feb 19, 2021 10:43 am

1m t3rr1bl3 4t g1v1n th12 20rt@ 4dv1c3 8ut uhhhh y0ur3 h0us3h0ld s33ms pr3tty t0x1c, U m1ght w4nn4 g3t r34dy t0 run 4w4y...

(im terrible at givin this sorta advice but uhhhh youre household seems pretty toxic, you might wanna get ready to run away...)

my parents kinda suck-(vent?)(tw ableism/transphobia/homophobia)

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