Rotten_Meat here lol just realized it'll probably be a good idea to tell people things

boyyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 11/29/2021 04:23 pm 1057

(tw: just assuming everything IG lol)

uh hi! This is a second account that I made on my phone awhile ago (because I couldn't get my rotten one to work on my phone) so excuse everything that's wack af with this one------

Ok first things first

No I didn't leave because of anyone/I'm not dead. I left because uh, I'm having quite the mental health crisis and I genuinely thought I was just going to fully relapse into some really fucked up behaviors that I thought I beat. It was basically between having a full psychotic episode for everyone on forum to see or just... Leave. So I did. On a whim. That's why I didn't tell anyone and why it was so super sudden- I apologize for anyone that I scared, but I'd rather spook a few of you guys than verbally abuse you and do things I'll never be able to apologize for/traumatize you. I'm not proud to say but I've done that before and I... And I genuinely don't think anyone came out of that ok. I've fucked people up and I refuse to do it again because some people will be worried about me.

I'm not going to be gone forever, I will come back, don't worry!! If anyone super wants to still be in contact I'll dm my email. Idk how long but I'm pretty fucked up right now and gatherings of people are just making it 1000000000% worse.

I haven't hurt myself or plan to do anything to hurt myself (just because I know some of y'all are worrying about that). I swear I'll get help if it gets to that point.

The vent wasnt my genuine thoughts, I don't think truly everyone is going to leave any second. I'm just very delusional right now and as more stress piles up the worse it'll get. I'm starting to have some of my key signs that say "hey maybe you're having a rock bottom moment". The delusions and paranoia, bone deep exhaustion, panic attacks, my ED, the desperate scrambling for control over everyone and everything... I need to get back on my feet because right now I'm on my ass 6ft under.

UHM so yeah. Mental illness is a fucking nightmare.

This will probably be converted to be my new account at some point. Idk if im going to change my user name back to rotten_meant or keep boyyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (my fucking user has 16 z's in it if you were curious lol) but eh. To anyone that I talk too, if you send me a friend request I'll accept but please... Don't expect me to respond to messages.

Again I apologize that I spooked people. I love you guys and I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

Edit: also it's ok to ask questions!!! I understand that people would be mad at me for this and probably wanna know more about the situation