Vent/rant /neg (abus31ve behavior, intrusive thoughts, delusions)

Deleted Account 10/27/2021 06:36 pm 294

am I the only one that sometimes is just nice to someone and thinks "am I lovebombing right now?" Because I feel that all the time? I was actual literal trash garbage and now I'm just a littered Starbucks cup on the highway- like I'm worried that I'm being a toxic abusive prick all the time? Like I know I probably have bpd, I wouldn't be surprised- because when you get abused by someone w/ bpd it kinda just passes that shit on and I was for an entire fucking year when I was in 6th grade- so I know I definitely have toxic shit going on... Like the whole "I wanna date everyone so they'll never leave" thing is lowkey an obvious sign? Like I struggle so much with being w other people just normally that I actually get exhausted- like I just wanna have friends and not hate them after an hour w them.

I don't know how to get better and I'm starting to have delusions about being watched <3 but me thinking I'm delusional could be a delusion.

I- I hate this so much and I don't even know what to say anymore ASDD