just kinda a rant.

Gay 2/15/2021 05:04 pm 639

(im not going to be using my typing quirk on this because its not really the time)

ive been feeling really lonely.

i just left a groupchat i really love because i was talking about something i had on my mind for years because i trusted the people in the groupchat and when i did start talking, the "mom" friend started going on a lecture about how i shouldnt say stuff like that because it can be extremely triggering. im a very open person and when i dont talk, it feels bad and like im not being myself. also, triggering for who??? noone in gc has triggers. me and my partner left because the mom friend did the same thing to my partner.

i only have 3 friends.

i only have 3 because of the group chat and recently, i had dumped a friend because they threatened to kill themself because i said i was uncomfortable with him saying "pornhub" at the time (i dont regret that because we didnt have common interests anyway)

i miss my friends but i can never keep them. my head always finds their flaws and tells me to not be their friend because "it would be good for you." its so frustrating.

ive been noticing that i get irrationally angry. i kinda blame it on my siblings because they bully me and make fun of my interests or appearance without apologizing. i also blame it on school because i never understand what we are doing. i just cannot focus on anything and i fucking hate it. i dont have ANY friends that attend school because they are virtual learning or they live in a different fucking state. i cnat see anyone i enjoy and it feels like hell everywhere. school, home, outside, anywhere. i can never be me. i always have to mask how im feeling because my mother believes that if you are not happy, you are being a bitch.

i just want to cuddle with my partner but they live twelve fucking hours away. i miss them and i love them so much.