i really do apologize for posting something this heavy on a kandi forum but i have nowhere else to go :(

SleepinqZzz 5/1/2022 10:24 am 308

i really can't stress enough how sorry i am for making this everyone else's problem, especially on a kandi forum where this is completely off topic and potentially triggering and ruining the lighthearted mood, but i have nowhere else to go at this point. (you'll hear more abt that in this story.) you're welcome to ignore this and i will completely understand. i'm just in serious need of advice.

tw: sh, anxiety, breach of privacy?, DDD, predatory relationship //

so my best friend (let's call her C) added my boyfriend (A) to the venting gc and he saw all of my messages about my sh and anxiety and a previous predatory relationship that i really don't want to talk to him about. he saw a message from 2 days ago where i admitted to relapsing because i felt like he was mad at me and i deserved it. he also saw multiple of my anxious meltdowns, and a DDD episode. he left the gc a few minutes after. i feel unsafe in that gc now.

i'm not mad at C. She realized she fucked up and owned up to it and wrote me a huge apology. i'm not mad at anyone. i just feel so scared and embarrassed and ashamed of myself. the worst part is A feels off and i feel like he's blaming himself for my most recent relapse. i feel so bad about it and i don't know what to do. i really don't wanna talk about my sh to A but i feel like i need to reassure A he did nothing wrong. he's the type to blame himself for everything and he's already stressed enough. he doesn't need this in his life too.

i just don't know what to do, all around. A is literally an angel and i don't want something like this to drive us apart. I love him.