Suicide Awareness

JubJub 3/10/2013 08:55 pm 858

I know this isn't really kandi related, but has suicide ever touched your life? Share your story and I will share mine first: About two years ago, I had this deep darkness inside me. I didn't know exactly what to do. I came across a website that had stories and I read one and I saw what cutting was for the first time. I tried it and it really helped. But, as it went along, it became like a drug. I have stopped finally 3 months ago, but not without horrible suicide attempts from people making fun of my scars. I have so many that will never fade. Please never try this. You are worth so much more <3 and remember, you no longer walk alone

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Mar 21, 2013 6:34 pm
So, reading all of the stories people have put on here so far made me realize how lucky I am... Let me explain because at first, you'd think I was very UNlucky if anything.. My dad is very abusive. There was one day when he found out that I wasn't a virgin anymore that he put my head to the stove.. I have a very big scar all over my ear and parts of my neck... that wasn't even the worst of things.. Anyways, I had been self harming for 6+ years.. Up until this January when I met the love of my life... he made me feel like I was worth something. I told my mom a few months ago about what I had been doing to myself... she had no clue... she's been so supportive lately. When I started raving, everything in my world just started fixing its self.. Every one needs to just find their thing that makes them happy and no matter how much you want to deny that it makes you happy and how much you don't think you're worth being happy.... do it anyways. You are not alone.
Mar 21, 2013 4:16 pm
I probably sound like a fake but I have been litterlayfinding ways to hurt myself since I found out that I could cause my self pain, and that was when I was about 8. Even the. I liked the way it felt, the worse the better if that makes sense. I was a Pain junkie. When I started middle school everyone started making fun if me because I would always change my hair an I would still do whatever I could to get that pain/adrenalin rush, always doing something stupid withy he guys, and suddenly stupid random pain wasn't enough. I tried cutting and fell in love, I love the feeling it was what u was looking for. It got worse I felt my self falling deeper into he hole of depressio. And I had no idea what to do. Everyone was closing in on me telli g me something was wrong. That I had to be Fixed, I had never thought of my self as broke. But I was always told as a little kid if its broken her rid of it, there for I felt I was broken. And needy to be gotten rid of. And one day I though of te 'perfect way' why not make my self truly broken? I wanted to e smashed to peices. I tried to walk a cross a very busy road.
Mar 20, 2013 10:42 pm
I have never cut, or done anything like that. I will however share when i was a freshman in high school i was at my wits end, i had few friends. The ones i did have I never shared with them my personal hell. From about the age of 4 till about 15-16, i was a victim of Incest and molestation. Looking back I don't know why my cousin did it, or what made him that way. It started out with bribes when i was younger and then moved onto threats and violence. As wrong as this is i was under the age of 10 i had a stuffed animal i loved to pieces and i slept with him every night, my cousin told me i was to do what he said or he would rip its head off I fought with him and my aunt punished him, by making him leave me alone, When my dad found out he yelled at me and slapped me. We had a mutual grandmother she caught us several times, because I had no clue it was wrong. She choose at first to do nothing, then she tried blaming both of us mostly me she never did anything to get him to stop. My grandmother put her daughter and her son first, then it was a toss up between my dad and uncle. Every time my grandmother did something for me she had a motive. Finally my freshman year of high school, the abuse got worse. I was ready to die. I finally one day packed one of my stuffed animals and went to school. I told some people because i thought something was medically wrong with me. Worst part, the school couldn't get a case worker to come talk to me that day, so they were going to send me back home. I told the lady in the guidance office, and a Dare officer if i went back home i was going to kill myself, because my parents assumed someone else was to blame for my issue. After the dare officer helped get me committed, i dealt with the cops, they came and spoke to me. They couldn't fathom it and when they spoke to my abuser, he said he did nothing. They told me they couldn't press charges, because we were so close in age, and it was he said, she said. My grandmother knew the whole time what happened and she turned her back on me, and choose to stick with her daughter. Since my hospital stay, i've not spoken to those people. I was put on medicine, against my dad's wishes. My dad when i was in middle school was always yelling at me, saying "what reason did i have to be sad or depressed" he always hated that stuff and tried telling me. "well you can see a shrink and be put on pills. and we can eat at home and not have money to blow" "or we can go out to dinner, and buy you those movies and video games you want"
Mar 20, 2013 7:34 am
vvv- Well, I have a Yet-To-Be-Treated mental disorder. (Working on it with a counselor) I can't control it and it's hard to explain/understand for some people. It's not like "oh im sad so im going to cut myself" at all. This isn't something I started or wanted to happen. I never decided to do those things in my previous comment for like, attention or sympathy. It's a real disease. But I totally see how it's hard for some people to understand. Yeah, I feel like if I go on I'll begin to say "like" too much, hahaha
Mar 16, 2013 5:56 pm
guys... why? I dont understand. like seriously, not to be rude. but please enlighten me.
Mar 14, 2013 6:31 pm
Hm, these are really triggering to me tbh, haha. Okay where to start..ahh.. In grade 6, I started cutting myself and now I'm in grade 11. I suffer from bipolar disorder and depression (I actually do, it's not like one of those "I took an online test" things). I think I've tried to kill myself before. I mean I drank half a bottle of sleeping medication and cut deep and tried choking myself. But, I will never forget what a teacher of mine said once. He said people who try to kill themselves do not want to end their lives. They want to end the pain. He said ending your life is one of the easiest things you could do. He told us a story once. A woman's husband would always come home from work at the same time everyday. I guess he had to work late one day and didn't tell her. But she took an OD of pills and died. She didn't want to die. She wanted her husband to come home and save her. Lately, I have been cutting a lot. I carry my razors with me, it's kind of lame. I have a kit with them and bandages and a wristband. I cut in school sometimes. I don't even know why I cut myself so much. I've been in a HUGE state of depression the past few months. I don't even talk anymore, I don't want to make kandi to cheer me up, I don't even want to wear kandi. I'm starting to hate kandi because its happy and I'm not. I think about suicide every single day. Every single day I think of if I should and how, where, when. I am seeking professional help but I don't know. I refuse to go on medication even though I need it. I just know with bipolar disorder that once you get off the meds, you're worse. Okay my giant comment is finally over..hahaha
Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm
I've been cutting and suicidal for the past two years. I've attempted exactly seven times but either failed or I chickened out. I have scars along my left arm and, just recently, I started cutting my face. Yes I know it's horrible and disgusting but I see myself as being the ugliest disgusting person there is. I hate almost everything about me. Just recently my mom found out I was cutting and she threw a fit and screamed at me. telling me how selfish and stupid I was. I've been doing the butterfly project and it has helped a little but lately I've been getting worse. I need someone to talk to. Like professional help but my mom keeps telling me it's a "phase" and that I'll get over it. I'm so f***ing sick of all this sh!t I want it to end but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to let down the people that DO care. My boyfriend, My Best friend, my little sisters and brother... But the longer I just sit here doing nothing about it the worse it gets. I listen to suicide silence and scream into my pillow to help. It does...a lot actually. Especially their song F*** Everything. Music and kandi seem to help a lot so I just sit in my room all day and make kandi while I listen to music. (I'm home schooled and I just moved on a tiny air force base where there are NO kids my age. so I had to leave all my friends and boyfriend behind) I've started having nightmares. At first it was just nightmares and waking up screaming but lately I've started seeing them when I'm awake. I sit and make kandi and I see something in the corner of my room watching me. I've learned to ignore it but then they started talking to me and I lost it. I became violent towards my younger siblings, hitting them when I was angry. I hated doing it but it was like I had no other option. My mind goes blank and all I hear is screaming. ... sorry for the long rant...It just felt good to get it out...